Dancing With Death
by chastity the lesbian vampire
Summary: jeff hardy drop's wrestling and picks up college but theres a problem with his room mate. or is there? chapter 4 now up
1. chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mildly associated with the wwe or any of it's branching companies nor do I own any of the fine learning institutes in this wonderful country.

Dancing with death

It was a beautiful spring day, the sky was pitch black. Lightening frequently decorated it. The rain poured down in torrents around the university campus. Jeff looked around, he was soaked to the bone trying to protect his artworks from the offending rain. He looked at all the frat' houses. The darkest, furtherest one from the car park had to be his. He ran straight to it, it was farther away than it looked. 

****

Σ λ δ

He looked at the house then at the card he had been handed.

****

Sigma lambda delta Σ λ δ.

Room 211.

L.Armstrong, J. Hardy.

Heads turned as the Jeff Hardy walked through the corridors, he was after all a very famous pro-wrestler that had abandoned his career to go to college. Jeff smiled at all the young college girls smiling and waving at him. He walked straight to the end of the corridor and looked up. **211**. Jeff opened the door on a topless girl. He slammed the door shut, "oh my god I'm so sorry."

"If you were sorry you'd be standing outside and your eyes would still be in your head." She clearly wasn't bothered, "and you're in my room." The girl threw on a black T-shirt and turned around.

How dare she? He was Jeff Hardy.

"No this is my room! Me and this l. Armstrong person."

The girl stuck her hand out, "hi, I'm Lisseth Armstrong." She said pulling her hand away before he could shake it.

Suddenly something leapt at Jeff's leg, something with claws and teeth, he jumped around yelling and kicking.

"And this is my cat, Banshee." The black cat jumped onto a bed and into Lisseth's arms "she doesn't like you." Lisseth snarled. 

It was now that Jeff looked into Lisseth's eyes and realized that they were exactly like Banshee's. One was brown and one was green. Then something brown and black covered Jeff's face, it had claws and teeth too! It bit into his neck and he felt a small tongue lapping at the blood, Jeff began to yell and jump around again.

"And that's Butcher my vampire bat. What she's doing means she's fairly indifferent towards you."

The tiny creature flew to a specially crafted perch beside one of the beds. The perch looked like it was fashioned from bleached bones. The bed obviously Lisseth's was made up of a black pillow, black under-sheet, red sheet and black duvet. At the foot of the bed was Banshee's cat basket, it appeared to be made of a large animal's ribcage with the interior sporting a purple satin cushion. The walls above Lisseth's bed were covered in posters of Albert Einstein, the periodic table and multiple conversion tables. There was also a small calendar over the headboard of Lisseth's bed. 

"Good god! They're morgue photo's!" Jeff leaned in, he could barely believe his eyes. 

Lisseth smiled and put Banshee down, "do you like them? I took them myself."

Jeff almost ran for the door, "you took the bodies?" he was nervously eyeing the bone perch and ribcage cat basket. Lisseth picked up a skull paperweight Jeff had failed to notice and heaved it at him. It hit him _dead _in the face (he, he). 

"No drop-kick, I took the photo's, you know, with a camera?"

Blood was oozing from Jeff's neck, leg and nose but he didn't notice. He was mentally running through everything wrong with the picture in front of him. 

He had been 'bunked up' with a girl. Although that was not necessarily the problem. He had been bunked up with _this _kind of girl. A gothic, science freak that obviously had no idea who he was. She had photos of dead bodies on her side of the room… That she had taken herself. And her eye's. GOOD GOD! What had happened there?! 

He looked at his side of the room, the walls were bare, and the bed was bare. There were no photos, pictures or grisly artifacts. He suddenly realized that he was standing in the center of the room blood dripping onto the floor, artworks digging into his side and Lisseth looking at him, puzzlement written on her face. When Jeff snapped out of his trance she rudely pushed past him pausing at the door.

"Freak! Come on guys, let's go speak to the Dean."

Jeff heard a scuttling sound and looked down wide-eyed, realizing that both Butcher and Banshee were at his feet drinking his blood off the floor, Butcher took to the air and landed on Lisseth's chest while Banshee trotted to the door and leapt into Lisseth's arms. Jeff jumped when the door slammed and laughed to himself to hear all the doors in the frat house slamming as Lisseth and her freakish pets walked past.

"That's completely unfair, Dean Richards, he's a pig!"

The Dean massaged her forehead, "Miss Armstrong, there was no mix-up. I put you in the same room as Mr. Hardy because I consider you mature enough to deal with this _superstar on campus_ as it were."

Lisseth looked at her with a pained look, "we both know that's a load of…"

BANG! The Dean slammed her hands down on the desk, "Miss Armstrong that's quite enough. If you don't like the arrangement. T.S! It's too late to change it now after the incident in your sorority house. You know why you were put in a frat house and you know that it was purposely done. Why don't you talk to him, he's majoring in art and English literature."

Lisseth rolled her eyes, "so he's one of the guys that fills his room with meaningless loads of crap while calling it art and quoting Jane Austin, I suppose?"

Dean Richards smiled sweetly, "that's right, now if you don't mind and even if you do, I have work to get on with… please leave." She added hastily when Lisseth did not budge. Lisseth tied back her waist length dull brown hair, reapplied her black lipstick and picked up her black cat.

"You haven't heard the last of this, Dean."

Glad to see the back of Lisseth, the Dean sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Argh!" she screamed.

Lisseth carelessly poked her head around the door frame, "anything wrong Dean?" she remarked casually. Dean Sue Richards was standing on her desk yelling and pointing at a small bat that was delighted at the noise and was more than pleased to join in. 

"Ei ei ei ei." Butcher crooned happily. Lisseth strode in and gently picked her up and hung her from her belt. While she walked back to the dorm.

Jeff looked up from his freshly made bed, freshly hung posters and the book he was reading. All the doors in the corridor were slamming. She was back!

Lisseth flung open the door and steeped back. Jeff was on one knee his right hand outstretched to her, his left holding an old book.

"Avant there, mistress, comest thou in peace?" he smiled at her. He was obviously very pleased with himself.

"Are you high?" she charged past him and looked in horror at his side of the room. She met his eyes, "oh hell no!"

Jeff gestured to his wall and his bed, "doth these petty materials trouble thee, mistress?" 

Instead of yelling and smashing his face in with some blunt object, Lisseth decided to beat him at his own game.

"Indeed sire, I am troubled by these hussies in coverings scant, the skin of beasts feline and the naming of one maiden, mistress."

Jeff stood mouth agape in shock. 

She continued, "lest you continue in your quotation and again call the maiden, mistress. The booted bony thing with five toes on the end of her leg will soon connect sharply with the soft dangly collection of objects in your trousers."

Jeff again stood staring. 

She leaned closer to him, "need a translation?" Jeff shook his head she gave him one anyway.

"Take down your _porn_ posters, get _rid_ of those tiger skin everythings and if you call me mistress one more time I will take one of my combat boots and I will kick you so hard in the balls that you'll be tasting them."

Jeff looked over his 'girlie' posters and his tiger print bed sheets, pillows and duvet.

"They are a little inappropriate aren't they?" he said weakly. 

She nodded.

Jeff took down all but one poster and left only his duvet resembling some sort of animal. They sat in silence, Jeff on his bed reading an old book whose cover was so faded and torn that it looked like the book would fall apart in Jeff's hands. Lisseth was reading a book that looked as though it weighed at least 4 pounds, 'medical physics: made easy!' the cover screamed in big bold letters.

Jeff looked at his watch he had been here all of two hours and he had been: attacked by a cat, a bat and their owner, bunked up with a freaky girl, humiliated by her and shown who wore the pants in their room. 

He tapped Lisseth on the shoulder, "sorry to bother you…"

"That's OK. I'm sorry you're alive." She didn't look up.

"Sorry to bother you but where's the Dean's office?"

"Next to the crypt and the crematorium."

Jeff gulped, "pardon?"

"I said next to the kitchens and the technician stations. What's wrong with you?"

Jeff was slightly confused so he left the room and wandered across the corridor to room 210.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

A kid in amateur wrestling tights opened the door, "this better be good! Hey you're Jeff Hardy! What can I do for you sir?"

Jeff laughed, "don't call me sir for a start, just Jeff. And could you tell me where the Dean's office is?"

The kid laughed but then his face turned deadly serious, "you got Lisseth didn't you? I don't blame you for wanting to change houses once you met _her_. Everyone in this fraternity tried to get a transfer once _she_ moved in."

Jeff looked horrified, "I'm not trying to get a transfer I just want to know why there's a girl in the frat house and what her deal is."

"She's a freak that's all you really need to know but if you still want to see the Dean, she's next to the hospitality kitchens and the technician stations. I'm Scott by the way." The kid stuck his hand out in front of Jeff.

Jeff shook it heartily. "Thanks Scott I owe you one, man." Jeff walked away to find the Dean.

The dean was suspicious of Jeff's interest in lisseth. "What do you mean why is she there? Why are _you_ so interested?" 

'Mmm…the dean seems on edge', Jeff laughed to his self (he couldn't use that expression anymore without laughing). 

"I'm sorry to question your authority dean but I was under the impression that girls lived in sorority houses and only guys lived in frat houses."

The dean relaxed, "so you haven't heard any of the rumors then?" she took a long drink of her tea before Jeff replied.

"Rumors? Like what? Oh god she's a dude isn't she? Not that there's anything wrong with dressing in women's clothing if you're a guy, but I thought… never mind I'll stop." 

The dean laughed at Jeff, "no I'm pretty sure she's a 'chick' Mr. hardy. It's just that when Miss Armstrong lived in **α θ Ф **(alpha, pheta, fie) there were accidents." 

Jeff leaned back from the table that dean Richards was looming over. "Accidents?" he sniffled. 

"No, not accidents," the dean took another long drink of tea. Jeff almost melted with relief, thank god there was nothing wrong with his roommate. 

"No," the dean continued, "fatalities are probably the word I'm looking for. You see every couple of weeks Miss Armstrong's room mates just died for no reason. Well, no reason she could give. Are you OK Mr. hardy?"

Jeff was hyperventilating, "yes I'm fine. But that's stopped right?" he squeaked.

"Oh yes since she moved into sigma, lambda, delta there hasn't been a single death or disappearance."

Again Jeff heaved a massive sigh of relief.

"Of course," the dean began again, "you're the first room mate that she's had since she moved in. Mr. hardy is you sure you're all right you look a little pale. And you're shaking. Maybe I shouldn't continue."

Jeff looked up in alarm, "there's more?" his voice was getting higher by the second.

"Oh yes," Dean Richards laughed, "I could write a very hefty book about all the strange happenings that go on around lisseth and her pets. But the weirdest stuff happens when she gets separated from them or when someone is mean to them. I've never witnessed so much bloodshed the last time someone yelled at her cat."

Jeff was weak at the knees and he was sitting so he interpreted that as a really bad sign. "Really?"

The dean laughed loudly, " no, not really."

Jeff looked at her funny, "what?"

"But people associated with her have gone missing rather mysteriously."

Jeff knew she was joking now "how many?"

"Alpha, pheta, fie."

Jeff stood up, "that wasn't my question. My question was…"

The dean rose to face him her voice sounded like thunder, "that's where you're wrong Mr. hardy I did answer your question. You asked how many people went missing and I told you alpha, pheta, fie. Mr. hardy the entire sorority house and all the people in it disappeared completely. Mr. hardy … Mr. hardy can you hear me?" 

TBC


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Jeff was in a daze but he soon snapped out of it. "All because someone yelled at her cat?" Jeff was terrified by the Deans answer.

The Dean nodded, "so if I were you I'd leave her pussy alone."

"What?" Jeff looked at the Dean in horror again, "Oh the cat, right! Got ya!"

Jeff was sitting in the rain outside the frat house, 'I can stay out here and get sick or I can go and face the witch who already hates me. The agony of choice.'

"You look deep in thought!"

Jeff jumped a mile in the air. Scott jumped higher.

"Sorry dude I thought you heard me." Scott was acting like Jeff would at any moment snap and rip out his spleen (isn't _that _a lovely visual).

Jeff recovered, "no don't apologize. I'm having a weird day that's all. I'm jumping at my own shadow."

The wind howled past them and both involuntarily shuddered looked at the other and laughed.

Scott held his umbrella over Jeff's head, "if you don't want to go back you're welcome to share me and Fish's room. It's small and messy but it's home, you know."

Jeff stood up and rubbed his arms they were covered in goose bumps. "Thanks, I appreciate that but I'm sure I'll be fine."

The wind howled again, Jeff looked at the sky it seemed to be clearing up but none the less he shuddered again.

"Man someone just walked over my grave." He laughed.

"Not now but soon." Lisseth walked past. 

Both Jeff and Scott jumped back. Lisseth had Butcher hanging off her shoulder bag and Banshee following behind. Banshee hissed at both of the males before her. Scott hissed back. Jeff caught him in a headlock and pulled him away. They stopped about 40 ft away. Jeff let him go.

"Sorry man, but…"

"No it's cool. I should know not to make her mad. I mean I'm only next door I have no-where to run."

"Did you see that? Shit, how long was she listening to us…"

"Not as long as you two think!" some one shouted jumping out of the bushes that surrounded the dark rooms and photography studio.

Jeff and Scott leapt into the air yelling, "oh Jesus!" and "f-ck!"

Jeff had grabbed at the tree above him and was still hanging on (and shaking like the leaves he was surrounded by) when Fish stepped up, a confused look on his face. 

"Greetings, my name's Phil but everyone calls me Fish."

Jeff let go of the branch he had been clinging to sheepishly. And put his hands in his pockets. "Hi." Suddenly Jeff didn't feel quite as good as a superstar on campus should feel. He hadn't noticed the whole of **α α α **(sorority house, Alpha Alpha Alpha) watching him screaming like a girl and embracing trees. 

Fish and Scott glanced at each other Jeff looked really bummed. 

"You got Lisseth didn't you." Said Fish, "maybe instead of calling you Jeff we should call you dead meat." 

Scott shoved him, "Fish! Come on man that's not cool!"

Fish was suffering from an internal debate, one half of him was laughing the other half had to admit that Lisseth was no laughing matter.

"Dude I'm sorry I didn't mean it."

Jeff looked up, the most wonderful thesis had just come to him.

"No dude you're right. If I cower or rebel she'll kill me or spirit me away but if I just ignore her and her freaky animal subjects…"

"Then she'll kill you faster! Good plan!" 

Scott looked at Fish, "dude you did it again."

Fish shrugged, "I'm late for medical physics anyway." He turned to walk away.

Scott looked at Jeff, "dude I am so sorry he just has his days, you know."

Jeff laughed and smiled broadly, "dude honestly it's cool." He cleared his throat and yelled, "hey Fish! Say hi to the ice queen for me, will ya!"

Fish stopped and turned around, "sure dude who's the ice queen?"

Jeff's smile got broader and he started to laugh. Fish quickly caught on.

"GODDAMMIT!"

Scott and Jeff laughed until tears ran down their faces and they had to go back to the frat house. They sat in the house common room for 2 hours telling every guy that came in about Fish's blasphemous outburst in front of the theology professor who happened to be a brother at the local parish. 

Fish walked in and stopped, the sound of laughter was deafening. He had that sinking feeling that the laughter was directed at him and the incident earlier. He turned. He was right. At least 40 guys were in the **Σ λ δ **common room and their faces (no matter the original color) were bright red and covered in smiles. 

Jeff stood in front of the crowd and there was silence.

"Did you say hello to the ice queen for me?"

Fish looked at the floor, "yeah I did."

Everyone started laughing again. Jeff was forced to shout over the noise.

"And what did she say?"

Fish looked behind him and started walking quickly up the stairs. Jeff was confused. The door slammed and everything suddenly became clear. So clear that all 40 guys in the common room took about 2 seconds to clear off. 

Lisseth walked in and beckoned to Jeff, he cautiously walked closer.

Then he stopped about four feet short of her. She did not look impressed. She beckoned again and he cautiously stepped forward again. Not cautiously enough.

**SLAP**

"Ow Jesus! What was that for?" Jeff dropped his books and held his face. 

Lisseth appeared to grow as she leaned over him, "don't ever send me messages especially through your idiot friends! It's bad enough that I got stuck with you but now everyone in the college knows about it. Stay away from me if you want to continue with your life."

She turned and walked up the stairs.

Jeff stood at the bottom of the stairs people were starting to re-emerge and they looked bored. Jeff looked at them all again. No way was Jeff Hardy going to lose a crowd.

"HEY BITCH!" Jeff bolted up the stairs taking them two at a time. Until he was behind Lisseth, she was standing in front of the room they had been forced to share. She was waiting for him to continue.

The crowd surged up the stairs to watch the drama unfold.

"What the hell do I have to do to get you to leave me be? What will it take for you to cut me some f-cking slack, huh? You just name it."

She didn't turn, "and you'll do it, will you?"

Jeff was shaking, he was so riled up now, "yeah I will! Any thing to get you to stop making my life hell."

Still Lisseth didn't turn around, she simply reached for the doorknob. 

"You're on. I want you to jump off the frat house…"

The crowd laughed and jeered. 

Jeff smiled, 'is that all?' he didn't dare say it.

Lisseth turned around and there was silence. She looked him dead in the eye.

She got real close, "no that's not all, Hardy. You have to jump stark naked. tomorrow when alpha alpha alpha have their sorority picnic _right in front_ of _this_ frat house." 

Lisseth walked into the room and calmly closed the door behind her. She waited. 

There was silence from outside. She settled in for a quiet night. Banshee was hunting swallows in the tree outside the window. Butcher was drinking the blood of a fat white rat the biology professor had given her for her participation in an 'animals of the Brazilian rainforest' lecture. And Lisseth herself had stacks of homework to do. "This is going to be an all night-er guys", she walked downstairs past the crowd and the frozen form of Jeff to the common room which emptied very quickly, to the phone to order dinner. When the pizza boy arrived people crowded the common room in hope of getting a slice. That is until Lisseth and Banshee walked down the stairs. She stood for a while talking to the delivery boy, he was a past acquaintance. Scott, Fish and Jeff stood at the top of the stairs watching her. 

"Well I hope you have a large talent or you might as well pack your bags now. Those girls won't let you forget it."

Scott hit him, "Fish! Dude not cool!"

Jeff looked at the pair of them, "you guys don't think she's serious about the 'continue with your life' thing. Do you?"

"Well," Scott said, "I hissed at her cat and nothing's happened to me yet." 

The words were scarcely out of his mouth when he backed up to the stairs and fell over Banshee.

*&#% Thump thump SNAP! %#&*

When Scott landed Banshee hissed at Fish and Jeff and walked back to Lisseth, next to him at the bottom of the stairs. Scott was lying on his back holding on to his left leg. His ankle was at an odd angle to the rest of his leg.

Jeff and Fish were speechless. Lisseth bent down to him, "does this hurt?" she poked his ankle.

"ARGH! YES IT DOES!" Scott screamed it.

She stood, collected her dinner and her cat and announced loudly, "it's broken and isn't your all important state competition tomorrow? What timing."

She strode over his body. Fish and a couple of guys ran to Scott's side and carried him outside to someone's car. Jeff was frozen at the top of the stair well. 'she's going to kill me. Really slowly.'

Lisseth was walking towards him. She paused at his side, "a nasty coincidence. Isn't it." 

When Jeff turned around, she was gone. 

"She said what?" Fish was uneasy. 

Jeff sat in the emergency room with Fish and a bunch of the frat house guys. He had just told them what Lisseth had said and now they were all uncomfortable. Scott was brought out in a wheel chair.

"She was right," tears welled up in his eyes, "it's a break like they've never seen before. I won't be able to go to state or wrestle for 8 weeks maybe more."

His wrestling buddies stood by his side. No one could speak. All of them drove home in silence. They couldn't even speak when they got back to the frat house.

Everyone except Lisseth had been waiting in the common room for when they got back. They couldn't speak when they saw the nasty big blue cast and crutches either.

Jeff walked into 211 and started to yell. "I hope you're happy. Do you know what you did to him? You destroyed his dreams and his life!!" 

She was lying in bed with her back to him. "I was right, was I. What a pity he won't be able to compete tomorrow."

"you don't care do you?"

Lisseth rolled over and sat up, "in a word, no."

Jeff almost lost it, his voice could be heard all over the frat house, "HOW DARE YOU! IF I WASN'T A GENTLEMAN I'D…"

"YOU'D WHAT?" Lisseth was on her feet in a second. 

Jeff's bluff had been called, so he raised his fist beside his head. 

Lisseth stepped forward, "YOU DON'T HAVE THE EQUIPMENT!" 

Jeff was starting to re-think this. 'Man, if I was the undertaker, she wouldn't still be standing here. That's a grim thought.' Jeff thought. 

He lowered his fist and stepped back.

"No. I'm better than that. I don't hit women. I never have and I never will." 

Without a further explanation Jeff took off his shirt and got into his bed. He turned his back to her. 

Lisseth was standing there trying to scrape her lower mandible off the floor. Not only was Jeff a decent guy but wow the boy was built like a god!

Jeff was lying there waiting for her to hit him with some thing blunt and heavy. Instead he heard her get back into her own bed but he also heard her speak. What she said nearly made him pass out.

"It takes a real man to back down from a fight. I respect that Jeff… By the way I expect you to jump tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

To be continued…


	3. chapter 3

10:00AM

"It seems young Jeff here, is a bit of an impressionist"

"The only decent impression he can do, is of a man with no talent."

Scott spun on his crutches and fell over.

"Lisseth!"

Fish ran in. he saw Lisseth advancing on Scott. He took a deep breath and did the only thing he could think of.

"ARGH! JEFF HELP!!!" 

Lisseth turned to see Fish disappear down the corridor.

Jeff was downstairs in the common room when the scream filled the hallways.

"Yeah…of course you miss me, I'm your little brother when I'm not with you the world stops spinning…(ARGH! JEFF HELP!!!) Listen I got to go I think my room mate is trying to kill someone again…yeah…peace…okay yep bye."

Jeff gestured for Fish to go on without him. Jeff finally hung up and walked up the stairs; Lisseth was walking down the stairs. She was in no huge hurry. Her freakish minions were nowhere to be seen but as Jeff had seen in the last day and a half that didn't mean shit!

He stopped at the top of the stairs and watched her walk. Considering that she hated his guts, she'd been pretty nice to him.

"Duck!" Jeff heard Scott yell. 

He counted slowly, "one Carolina, two Carolina, three Carolina," then he ducked. Butcher flew over his head. When Jeff stood up straight he realized that Lisseth was watching him and it made his blood run cold. Butcher landed on her chest next to her biology books. Jeff shuddered when he realized that she wasn't watching him, she was studying him. Jeff mentally ran through everything that could possibly be wrong, what was she and that goddamned bat fascinated by. That bat. Not _those_ animals but _that_ bat. 

"Jump!" Fish yelled. Jeff didn't bother to count, he could hear it's footsteps. Jeff sailed through the air, landing safely half a second after the cat had run under him. He didn't turn now he just walked over to 211 where Fish was helping Scott up. The door slammed.

"You know she doesn't like guys in here." Jeff chastised lifting the pile of books Banshee had taken to sleeping on off the floor.

"So on another topic…are you gonna jump?" Scott smirked.

Jeff jumped on his bed and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know if I can anymore, I thought I could pull out but apparently Lisseth put up fliers with the stipulations of the jump on, so I couldn't." he laughed, "but she couldn't of possibly…hey?!" 

"What's wrong?" Fish walked Scott to the window Jeff was looking out of. The entire campus was strewn with paper. Lisseth was standing in the midst of it all. She unhooked butcher from her shirt and sent her into the air.

"Shut the window, Jeff." Scott was freaking out. Jeff was about to oblige him when Fish grabbed his arm. 

"No, look." 

Butcher landed on her perch long enough to drop the sheet of paper and bite Jeff's hand. Jeff picked up the paper. It was headed, 'HIGH FLYIN' HARDY!' Scott rested his crutches and himself on Jeff's bed and read the note aloud. "Jeff Hardy: famous wrestler/ dare devil is going to jump from the top of S l d (sigma lambda delta) tomorrow during the a a a (alpha alpha alpha) sorority house picnic. IN THE NUDE!!! Bring your cameras. Please recycle."

"Wow you're screwed!"

"Fish. Dude you're not helping." 

Jeff rolled his eyes. 

"Wait there's more!"

Jeff grasped Fish's hand, "if you don't stop him I'll kill him." 

Fish shook himself from Jeff's hand and stepped back. "I'm not gonna stop you."

Jeff sighed and lay back, "you might as well read it." 

Scott started laughing, "boys. Our plan may have changed." He was now laughing hysterically. Fish looked at Jeff and mouthed 'we had a plan?' Jeff shrugged. He sat up and plucked the note out of Scott's hand.

"The conditions of your jump are quite simple. You are unallowed to hold, carry or have any contact with anything but the air from the time your feet leave the roof to the time you touch the ground. At which point you and/or your miserable, disgusting friends may shield whatever little manhood you actually possess. Good riddance."

Fish laughed. Scott laughed. Jeff cringed, "I'm a dead man."

Scott shook his head, "nah, dude. You can't think about it like that. Am I right, man?"

"Yeah," Fish agreed, "you're not dead yet."

Jeff banged his head against the wall. Scott cuffed Fish, "you are not helping. Go…now."

Jeff hung his head in despair, "I am so fucked right now!"

Scott nodded, "you do seem to up a certain creek without a certain implement." 

No sooner had the door closing heralded Fish's exit then the little bastard was back.

"I'm a genius." He rushed over and muttered in Jeff's ear. 

Jeff jumped to his feet and kissed him, "you've got it!!"

Scott's face was pure gold, "well if he's got it, you've got it too now."

Jeff snatched the note and trembled as he read it again, " 'from the time your feet leave the roof to the time you touch the ground.' Don't you see? Don't you get it?"

Scott hopped up on his crutches, "I tell you what. I'm going to walk out of this room. Stay with me because this is where it gets complicated. Then I'm going to walk into my room and pretend I never met the pair of you."

"But!"

"No, I'm going to lie down and have a nap."

"But"

"NO! Goodbye." Scott slowly hobbled out and into his room. Both doors closed quietly. Jeff smiled at Fish, "I'll scope out the jump."

Fish flashed a 'thumbs-up' sign at him and started to walk away, "I'll get the props." 

13:15 PM

A crowd had started to gather outside S l d particularly the a a a girls. Jeff was standing on the roof (wearing a robe) with Fish. 

"I've never seen so many cameras."

"FISH!"

"Sorry."

Jeff scanned the large crowd. "I can't believe I'm saying this but where's Lisseth? I want her to see me jump!"

Fish shoved him, "anything you feel like telling me about you and Lisseth?"

Jeff narrowed his eyes, squinting into the sunlight.

"She's the reason I'm up here. She's the one that dared me to. She might have bloody well turned up."

Fish shrugged, "one less witness, one less camera."

Jeff nodded not meeting Fish's gaze, "true. Very, very true."

Fish started hopping up and down, "I'm going to get her."

"NO!" Jeff grabbed for his arm but Fish was already gone.

*BANG BANG*

"Sod off!"

Fish opened the door and instinctively ducked, he really should of stayed down 'cos when he raised his head a really big book left it's imprint rather rudely in the front of it. He waved aside the 'ouch! What kind of psychopath throws a book' speech and cut to the chase.

"Aren't you going to watch Jeff crash and burn?"

She barely looked up from the address book she was thumbing through. 

"The semester is still young. There will be plenty of opportunities to see him embarrass himself yet."

Fish rejoined Jeff on the roof.

"Anything good?"

"She wished you luck."

They both scanned the crowd. Jeff inhaled deeply.

"She threw something at you didn't she." It was not a question.

"Yep."

Jeff nodded and raised his eyebrows.

"Hit you?"

" 'tween the eyes."

Jeff looked at him.

"You don't say."

Fish looked at him.

"Yep."

Jeff held his hands out. A hush descended on the crowd. He motioned for Fish to get the prop box. Fish held up a sign that said, '**DON'T TRY THIS IN HOME EC.**' A couple of girls at the front giggled. Jeff's hands loosened the robe and everyone leaned forward. Fish threw him a large coconut as the robe dropped. Jeff crossed himself, looked at the open sky above. He needed to get the crowds attention before he jumped so he took a deep breath, then another and yelled at the top of his lungs, 

****

"I DID YOUR MOM!"

The instant his feet left the roof, he let go of the coconut and sure enough just as Fish had predicted the coconut stayed positioned in front of him as he smiled for the cameras. Jeff felt like he was falling in slow motion. He passed the window of the room he and Lisseth shared and distinctly heard a woman gasp. He looked down the ground was approaching slowly it was like being in a dream. Jeff's feet hit the floor and he allowed the momentum to continue until he was crouching. The coconut hit the concrete and exploded, drenching his chest in coconut milk. Jeff absentmindedly grabbed the largest piece and held it in front of his equipment. 

As he stood, Fish hurled a broken sign with a strap on it through the air. It landed at Jeff's feet he picked it up and slung it around his neck. He took off down the path, around the corner and up the stairs feeling the exit sign hitting his butt all the way up. He cast the sign off and ran into the room, turning to shut the door. He stayed still and listened. A massive cheer rose up from the crowd, it was almost deafening. He closed his eyes, turned around and raised his arms to silence the crowd, momentarily forgetting that he was inside and the crowd was outside. 

"JEFFREY NERO HARDY! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO THAT COCONUT!"

Jeff again used the coconut to shield himself. His eyes shot open, he could see Lisseth looking very smug but his attention was more directed towards.

"LITA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Lita wasn't alone. She was standing next to that strapping young man that Jeff knew so well. "Hi Matt…what are you doing here."

Matt looked at him, "I know what I'm doing here but Jeff what are you doing?" 

Jeff looked at his crotch, now he understood why Lisseth looked so smug. He had his gonads nestled in a coconut shell and it was dripping a sort of white liquid. He looked up at Matt again.

Matt gave him that big brother 'I know what you've been doing look.' 

Lita looked sick. 

Lisseth glanced in her direction, "told you so."

There was a knock at the door. 

"COME IN." lisseth called.

Jeff spun in shock, "no don't…"

The door slowly opened to reveal… 

TBC

****


	4. chapter 4

Scott walked in. He took one look at Jeff and walked out again. "I knew it" He muttered before leaving.

****

(Disclaimer: I don't own Shakespeare or any of his works, although I did visit his birthplace once.)

Jeff looked from Matt to Lita to Scott to Lita to Matt to Lisseth. "I can explain?" He cringed.

The door opened and in walked a young boy, short brown spiked hair. He looked at Jeff through his silvered glasses and laughed, "you are a sad nutter." 

He gave Lisseth a 20-dollar note. She shook her head at him and he put it away.

"No, the look on his face was worth it all." Lisseth collected Butcher and walked out snatching her silvered sunglasses on the way. The child picked up Banshee who lay in his arms purring and tried to follow Lisseth.

"Wait, wait. Who are you?" Jeff stared at the kid wondering what kind of person he must be for Banshee to be so bashful.

The kid lowered his glasses with his left hand. He looked at Jeff through one brown eye and one green eye, " I'm Hiro. I'm Lisseth's brother."

Jeff shuddered, "oh God there's more than one. Help us all."

Lita started to laugh again, "Um Jeff… do you want pants?"

Jeff tried not to look directly at her, "yeah, pants would be great."

When no one moved, Matt came up with a suggestion, "how about we go outside and you put some pants on. And then you can explain the sight that greeted me when you walked in."

"Works for me." Lita made a beeline for the door.

Jeff nodded, "No one'll hear about this right?"

"Well that depends," Matt patted his younger brother on the back, "how good is this explanation going to be?"

Jeff sighed, "50 bucks?"

Matt rubbed his chin, "Well, I don't know… it might slip out if I get drunk enough."

Jeff glared at him, "50 is the final offer. Take it or…"

"Sold!" Matt seized Jeff's wallet and fished out a couple of bills before exiting. 

Jeff cleaned up the room, pulled on his jeans and ten embarrassing minutes later both his brother and his brother's girlfriend were trying to stifle their own laughter.

"She dared you to jump off the building naked. So you did, and the only thing you could think of to hide _yourself_ was a coconut," Lita laughed, "something you feel like sharing Jeff?"

Jeff's brow crinkled, "meaning what?"

Matt nudged him, "not getting any little bro?"

"F*ck you! Do you have any idea what she's put me through? What are you doing here anyway!" Jeff lost his temper.

Matt put hands on his little brother's shoulders and pushed him back to his seat angrily, "cool your jet's Jeffrey. We just stopped by 'cos we had some spare time sorry for the inconvenience."

Matt walked away from the table, Lita patted Jeff on the head, "bye Jeff." She ran after Matt and they walked hand in hand to the car park where Matt revved the engine of his car loudly and screeched away. 

Jeff was so angry he couldn't think straight. He hadn't been as pissed off as this since his dad told him that his mom was dying. He marched himself back up to room 212 and shut himself in.

Lisseth saw her brother safely on the bus home and walked back to the room. There was a crowd gathered around the door, they seemed worried. That Hardy boy must have finally ended it. She knew he couldn't cut it in the real world. The world without writer's and camera's.

The boys of the frat house didn't move when they saw her coming up the stairs. That was not a good sign.

There was smoke coming from under the door. That sign wasn't any better.

"Is it open?" Lisseth eyed one of the slack jawed gawkers at the door. Upon receiving no answer she reached for the door knob and fire blazed out of the room. She raised one eyebrow, "back draught. No one open this door."

Scott hit her in the back of the leg with one of his crutches, "he's still in there you have to help him." 

Lisseth picked up the crutch and swung it in his general direction," I don't have to do anything. This is not my problem." 

Scott started bashing the flames that were creeping out from under the door with the remaining crutch which only succeeding in burning it.

Fish had a fire extinguisher and he obviously didn't know how to use it. In drawing the pin from the top he had tripped over it not once but twice and smacked himself in the face with positively devastating results. 

Lisseth rolled her eyes at their incompetence she seized the fire extinguisher from Fish before it could do any more damage and hurled it down the stairs without a second thought.

"IDIOTS! You can't use a water-filled extinguisher. It might be an electrical fire. And you can't use the carbon one either." She yelled as Scott hobbled off down the stairs.

He turned around, "why not?"

"If it's a paper fire it might blow the ashes backwards and cause more damage. Don't you know anything between the pair of you?"

Answered by blank stares, she took another look around and seized a curious onlooker by the seat of his pants, "go down the stairs and climb up the tree outside the window of this room. I want you to look into the room and tell me WHAT…IS…ON…FIRE! Do you understand?" 

The frightened male took to his heels as soon as his feet hit the floor and bolted out of the frat house.

"He's not coming back," Scott voiced. He turned to meet Lisseth's icy stare, "I wouldn't."

She leaned real close, "you don't have that option."

The scared young man ran back in as quick as he had run out.

Lisseth turned upon hearing the approaching footsteps, "what's burning?"

This boy looked even more scared now. He shrank away from her voice.

"What's burning? Is it books? Clothes? That Hardy boy? What is on fire?"

He looked kind of embarrassed, "the door."

Lisseth lowered her glasses, "what?"

"The door is on fire." He said it louder now.

Lisseth pushed her sunglasses back on she straightened her shoulders, "of course it is. He can't burn normal stuff like paper or clothes. **He** has to burn the goddamned door!"

Lisseth picked up a chair and charged the door with it. The door offered very little resistance, in fact it swung open to reveal…

absolutely nothing Lisseth stepped inside and closed the door before any of the gathered crowds could reassemble and swarm inside to put out the fire and question the only suspect. No Lisseth, herself wanted to do that.

"Are you insane? What is your fucking problem? What would burning the door down solve? Are you unhappy here? I'm sure your adoring public would be more than happy to have you back… why don't you just give up, pack your bags and go home." 

Jeff looked up at her properly for the first time since he'd arrived, "because then you'd win. And you'd like that wouldn't you. Then your reputation would stay in tact. Oh there goes Lisseth she scared away everyone even Jeff Hardy. No if I leave now you'd win and I won't let that happen. Good night." Jeff rolled over on his bed and lay there waiting for the sound of something heavy colliding with his own skull.

Instead he heard, "rriiight, well. The first mistake is I don't scare everyone off. They just leave. Second, I wouldn't win cos I'd just get someone new as a room mate and finally it's 2:30 and you have a class now so you can't say good night to anyone."

"Shit!" Jeff bolted down the stairs with his art books in his arms and his assessment pieces under his arms. He collided with some guy at the bottom of the stairs, the guy squawked and dropped all his art books and his assessment pieces. 

"Sorry, I really am." The guy began to apologize. Jeff picked up his stuff and helped the other guy to organize his stuff. 

"No that's cool I needed the wake up call. I'm…"

"Lisseth's roomie. I know she damn near threw me down the stairs when you set the room on fire. I'm Evan."

"Sorry. My name's Jeff. Looks like we're in the same class. And we're both very late." The pair of them ran to class and got there late, out of breath and in time to receive an extra assignment.

After the class Jeff and Evan stopped off for lunch, talking about how Lisseth was ruining their lives.

"So how did you get away from that hideous beast." Jeff jumped off the seat he had placed his books on.

Evan looked at the ground, "I kicked her cat. She belted me in the face she knocked two teeth out. I was one of the lucky ones."

Jeff laughed, "yeah I've heard something like that. So what do you do for fun around here?"

Evan raised an eyebrow, "what you mean apart from the alpha alpha alpha girls? Um… I'm in the Shakespeare appreciation and preservation society. We're rehearsing King Lear at the moment."

Jeff mimed yawning, "riveting what else?"

Evan shoved him off the bench, "it's a lot more interesting than you think. This play has everything; murder, insanity, love triangles involving sisters." He laughed noting Jeff's sudden interest, "and we're always looking for extras and servants."

Jeff picked himself up off the ground and his books off the bench, "really, why? I mean if this play is as interesting as it's supposed to be surely there'd be dozens of eager young space cadets." He stood in mock salute.

Evan picked up his books, "that's not funny, Jeff. Besides it's not the play that's the problem it's one of the actresses. She gets a little… carried away. Like last year when she played Lady Capulet, the scene called for Lord Capulet to step in and stop the fighting between Tybalt and Romeo. Well… Lady Capulet picked up a nearby 'servant' and hurled him off the stage. Anyway this year she's playing Regan, the daughter of King Lear, well, one of them. And she has to stab some anonymous servant to death and I don't know what she'll do." Evan drew a long awaited breath, "and that's why I can't get anyone to play the part."

"I'll do it." Jeff shrugged, he started walking back to the frat house. 

Evan struggled to catch up with him, "WHAT?! Really you will."

"Yeah sure, it can't be anything like sharing a room with Lisseth, can it?" Jeff smiled.

Evan mumbled something incomprehensible then, "sure…any way rehearsal's in half an hour. Meet me at the bottom of the frat house steps and wear black."

"Great!" Jeff bolted up the stairs and into the room, "got to go be back soon I…"

One quick look revealed that Lisseth was not actually in the room. "Cool."

Half an hour later Jeff was standing with Evan at the bottom of the stairs. Both of them dressed in black. "So what are we waiting for?"

"Not what, rather who." Evan was staring up the stairs, "room 211 are late as usual."

Jeff blinked, "room 211, that's my room. Lisseth oh god we're waiting for Lisseth?"

Evan scoffed, "no, your room is 212. We're waiting for Scott and Fish."

The door opened at the top of the stairs and Scott limped out holding his crutches in one hand and closing the door with the other. He hopped down the stairs and tucked his crutches under his arms at the bottom. 

"Ready, guys?"

Jeff nodded, "just waiting on Fish."

Scott shrugged, "I'll meet you there and so will he. He's been there with 'Regan' all morning, rehearsing the stabbing scene. Apparently it just doesn't look believable."

"Well maybe it'll look more believable when Jeff here does it." Evan laughed.

Scott looked at Jeff then Evan then Jeff again and burst out laughing, "beautiful."

Evan and Scott wouldn't tell Jeff what they were laughing at and Jeff was beginning to get nervous. 

Scott opened the door and directed Jeff to the stage while Evan went to talk to the society president. Fish was on the stage, he showed Jeff where to stand and gave him a script. He had to oppose some psycho that was ripping out some old dude's eyes and then turn around and get stabbed by the wife.

"LIGHT'S. SOUND. GO FOR IT!" the president yelled, "WE'RE AT ACT 3 SCENE 7, FROM CORNWALL'S LINE "IF YOU SEE VENGEANCE-"."

Jeff looked at the absurd little cast on the stage, Brad the Duke of Cornwall proceeded with his lines, "if you see vengeance-"

Jeff jumped when he realized that he was expected to read his lines, "Um… hold your hand my lord. I have served you ever since I was a child, but better service have I never done you than now to bid you hold."

"How now you dog!" the voice cut the air like a knife and caused Jeff to shiver, he had heard it somewhere before but couldn't quite place it.

Over his shoulder he called, "if you did wear a beard upon your chin. I'd shake it on this quarrel."

"My villain!" Brad called dramatically seizing a sword off one of the extras.

Jeff found a sword thrust into his hand and he held it high, "nay then, come on and take the chance of anger."

Jeff and Brad began to duel they fought all over the stage. Until Jeff 'ran him through'. The almighty Brad fell to the ground moaning in agony. 

"Give me thy sword. A peasant stand up thus!" the evil voice rang out

Jeff stood triumphant and turned away. He walked straight onto the sword that Lisseth was holding. He watched the blade disappear into his stomach up to the hilt. He looked into her strange eye's one last time then everything went black.


End file.
